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Post by Hauler on Dec 7, 2008 8:11:12 GMT 10
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i'm only going to post one joke per post if you guys don't mind
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and i will try my best to keep the jokes as clean as possible
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i am not trying to "spam" the site i just want you guys to laugh
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Why are Interstate Dist. Co. Trucks painted green?
So you wont notice them laying on their side in the ditch
What is considered driver promotion at Interstate Dist. Co.?
Being hired by Swift
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Matt
Senior Driver
[Mo0:0]
Posts: 332
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Post by Matt on Dec 11, 2008 7:37:53 GMT 10
Why are Interstate Dist. Co. Trucks painted green? So you wont notice them laying on their side in the ditch lol  |
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Post by Hauler on Dec 14, 2008 23:08:29 GMT 10
i'll just post as many jokes as i have this isn't ment to be any sort of "spam" i just post only a few jokes per post :
Bumperstickers on Shovies:
Chevy Trucks: Americas answer to Mediocrity
My other truck is a FORD
I took a I.Q. test and the results were negitive
Your just jealous because the voices only talk to me
When I grow up I want to be a F150!
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing
Horn broken, watch for finger!
Mirror broken, watch out!
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Post by Hauler on Dec 14, 2008 23:12:49 GMT 10
A Ford pick-up drove up to a rancher who was sitting on his front porch in a rocking chair along with his dog. Parked out front was a Chevy pick-up. Happens the Ford pick-up driver was also a ventriloquist and, not having a whole lot of respect for Chevy drivers, he thought he'd mess with this Chevy Boy's mind a little. The Ford driver gets out and says to the dog, not the Chevy driver "Hey, dog. Mind if I speak to this Chevy driver here?"
Chevy driver: "That dog don't talk!" Ford driver: "Hey dog, how's it going?" Dog: "Doin' alright." Chevy driver: (Extreme look of shock). Ford driver: "Is this your owner? (pointing at Chevy driver)" Dog: "Yep."
Ford driver: "How's he treat you?" Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food." Chevy driver: (Stunned look of disbelief).
Ford driver to the Chevy driver: "Mind if I talk to your horse over there?" Chevy driver: "Horses don't talk!" Ford driver calls out: "Hey horse, how's it goin?" Horse: "Cool." Chevy driver: (An even wilder look of shock). Ford driver: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at Chevy driver). Horse: "Yep." Ford driver: "How's he treat you?" Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regular, brushes me down often." Chevy driver: (Total look of amazement).
Ford driver to the Chevy driver: "Mind if I talk to one of those sheep?" Chevy driver: (stuttering and hardly able to talk himself) "Th-Th-Them sheep ain't nothin but liars!!!"
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Post by Hauler on Dec 14, 2008 23:25:02 GMT 10
A dodge owner is trying to sell his heap. He had 95,000 miles on it and was worried that it wouldn't last an other minute. No one was showing any interest in it presumably because of the high milage. One day He told his buddy at work about his problem. His buddy said "I can tell you a way to sell your truck, but it's not legal." The dodge owner was desperate to get rid of it and buy a "real" truck that would last longer,(FORD) so He said "whatever it is, I'll do it." His buddy then told him to go to this place and have the milage rolled back to 45,000 and to tell the guy that HE sent him. The next week the dodge owner meet up with his buddy at work and was asked "did you sell your truck yet?" "No" said the dodge owner "why should I? It only has 45,000 miles on it now."
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Post by Hauler on Dec 14, 2008 23:26:42 GMT 10
An elderly woman goes to the doctor. She says, "Doc, it's terrible, I pass gas all the time. Fortunately, it's odorless and silent, otherwise I'd be mortified. For example, I've passed gas ten times just since we've been talking, but it's odorless and silent so you can't tell." The doctor gives her some green pills and tells her to take one a day and come back in a week. The woman comes back after taking the pills for a week. She says, "Doc, there's been a change but not for the better. I still pass gas all the time, but while it's still silent, now it smells terrible!"
The doctor says, "Well, I'm glad we cleared up your sinus blockage,now we'll have to work on your hearing."
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Post by Hauler on Dec 14, 2008 23:34:44 GMT 10
A trucker driving along on the freeway notices a road sign in the distance that reads 'Low Bridge Ahead.'
Sure enough, the trucker gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police officer arrives at the scene. The cop gets out of his cruiser and walks around to the truck driver. He puts his hands on his hips and remarks, "Looks like you got stuck, huh?"
The trucker replies sarcastically, "No, officer, actually I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas!"
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Post by Hauler on Dec 14, 2008 23:36:21 GMT 10
A truck driver was heading down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. Feeling it was his duty, he stopped to give the priest a ride. A short time later, he saw a lawyer with a briefcase on the side of the road and aimed his truck at him. At the last second, he thought of the priest with him and realized he couldn't run over the lawyer, so he swerved, but he heard a thump anyway. Looking back as he drove on, he didn't see anything. He began to apologize for his behavior to the priest. "I'm sorry, Father. I barely missed that lawyer at the side of the road."
But the priest said, "Don't worry, son. I got him with my door."
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Post by Hauler on Dec 14, 2008 23:37:59 GMT 10
An old man was eating in a truck stop when three rough-looking bikers walked in. As they passed the old man, the first biker pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie, then laughed and took a seat at the counter. The second biker picked up the old man's milk and spit into it. The third biker turned over the old man's plate before joining the others at the counter.
Without saying a word to the laughing bikers, the old man put his money down, got up, and left the diner. One of the bikers said to the waitress, "Not much of a man, was he?"
The waitress replied," Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his big rig over three motorcycles!"
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Post by Hauler on Dec 14, 2008 23:40:11 GMT 10
Did You Hear About The JB Hunt Driver That Started Shooting At People At The Joplin Petro?
He Would Have Shot More But His Gun Ran Out Of Water!
How Can You Tell Where JB Hunt Drivers Fuel Up?
All The Lot Lizards Have Engagement Rings!
Why Did McDonalds Ban JB Hunt Drivers??
They Kept Tearing Up The Playground Equipment!
Why Does JB Hunt Paint Their Trailer Doors Yellow?
So The Driver Will Know Which End To Hook Up To
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Post by Hauler on Dec 14, 2008 23:46:40 GMT 10
What Does Prime Inc Stand For?
Please remember I mortgaged everything I need cash!
What Do You Call A "Chicken Truck" Without The Lights?
Tyson
Why does JB Hunt paint their truck frames orange?
So when they roll their truck everyone will think its a Schneider truck.
What Do You Get When JB Hunt Leaves A Truck Stop?
Two Parking Spaces!
What Does ENGLAND Stand For?
Every New Guy Leaves After Ninety Days
Why Did JB Hunt Stop Running Doubles?
The top one kept falling off.
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Post by Hauler on Dec 14, 2008 23:51:32 GMT 10
JB v. The DOT
A JB driver was wandering around the truck stop scale in a panic. A Swift driver walks over and says what is wrong JB. The JB driver replies I am 2,500 lbs over gross and I only have to go 5 miles with it and there is a scale on the way. The Swift driver says well when you get up to the scale cut your lights off and coast on by. The JB driver replies thats a good idea so they part ways. the Swift driver is traveling down the road when he notices the JB driver pulled over by the DOT. The swift driver replies what happened JB the trick didn't work. The DOT replies no but it would have if it would have been night time...
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What's The Difference Between JB Hunt & Schneider?
30 Gallons Of Orange Paint
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Post by Hauler on Dec 14, 2008 23:53:04 GMT 10
What does WERNER Stand For?
We Employ Rednecks No Experience Required!
What does CRST Stand For?
1) Caution Really Stupid Trucker!
2) Caution Really Slow Truck!
3) Crash, Roll & Stunt Team
What Do You Call 365 Swift Trucks Traveling The Same Direction?
A Years Worth Of Experience!
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Post by Hauler on Dec 14, 2008 23:59:16 GMT 10
Why Do Some Roadway Trucks Have Only One Seat?
So The Driver Knows Which Side To Get In!
Nerds:
This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying 'Nerds Not Allowed -- Enter At Your Own Risk!' He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him. "You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?"
"I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I'm hauling."
"Okay, truck drivers are not nerds," he says and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked.
"Why did you do that?"
"Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license." The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, killing several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.
"What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season," says the truck driver.
"Well, sure," says the patrolman. "But you can't bait 'em."
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Post by Hauler on Dec 15, 2008 0:05:49 GMT 10
I was in the TA lot watching a swift truck trying to back into a hole for the night when after quite a bit of time, the Swift driver got on the radio for help; I helped him back in and he wanted to give me 10 dollars, I replied no keep your weeks pay.
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